Akhlaq
"Not even 'uff'"
He asked who came first. The answer was his mother, three times.
4 min, Intro, Draft written with AI help: awaiting scholar review
Part 1 of 3
The Qur'an commands worship of God alone and, in the same breath, excellence to parents. When they grow old, it says, do not say even "uff", a sound of irritation. Speak to them with honour, and lower to them the wing of humility.
Qur'an 17:23
۞ وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَٰنًاۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفࣲّ وَلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلࣱا كَرِيمࣱا ٢٣
23 Your Lord has ordained that you worship none but Him, and show kindness to parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, do not say to them a word of annoyance nor scold them, rather speak to them noble words,
The passage continues in Read.
Lesson
The Qur'an rules out even a sigh of irritation at a parent in old age.
Part 2 of 3
A man asked the Prophet who most deserved his good company. The Prophet said: your mother. Then who? Your mother. Then who? Your mother. Then your father.
Qur'an 31:14
وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ حَمَلَتۡهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهۡنًا عَلَىٰ وَهۡنࣲ وَفِصَٰلُهُۥ فِي عَامَيۡنِ أَنِ ٱشۡكُرۡ لِي وَلِوَٰلِدَيۡكَ إِلَيَّ ٱلۡمَصِيرُ ١٤
14 We have enjoined upon man kindness to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning took place within two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents. To Me is the final return.
Lesson
In this hadith the mother comes first, three times over, and then the father.
Part 3 of 3
Kindness to parents does not depend on their faith. The Qur'an says that if parents urge their child to associate others with God, the child does not obey them in that, but keeps their company in this world with kindness.
Qur'an 31:15
وَإِن جَٰهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰٓ أَن تُشۡرِكَ بِي مَا لَيۡسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلۡمࣰ فَلَا تُطِعۡهُمَاۖ وَصَاحِبۡهُمَا فِي ٱلدُّنۡيَا مَعۡرُوفࣱاۖ وَٱتَّبِعۡ سَبِيلَ مَنۡ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّۚ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرۡجِعُكُمۡ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمۡ تَعۡمَلُونَ ١٥
15 But if they strive to make you associate partners with Me of what you have no knowledge, then do not obey them. Yet keep company with them in this world with kindness, and follow the way of those who turn to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me is your return, and I will inform you of what you used to do.
Lesson
Disagreeing in faith does not cancel kindness to parents.
Reflect, just for you
Seen by lamplight. It gives more each time.
He asked who came first. The answer was his mother, three times.